i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
