my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize