im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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