i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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