Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall

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(303): View more from Colorado

she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.

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