Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
