i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
