i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
