Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
