I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
