His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
