apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
