the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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