no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
