Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
