I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well I just put wine in my tea
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
