Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
