Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
