she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
