Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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