u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Randomize
