fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
