I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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