that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
