My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
