I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
