Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
