No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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