there's paper in my vomit.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
