I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
