There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
