you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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