My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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