i think my tv is drunk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
