I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
