I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
