I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
