I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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