She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
