She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
