I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
