yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
