Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
