If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
