im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
