dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize