you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
