Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
