Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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