i need an iv and a liver transplant
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
