why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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