I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
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