Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize