The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
