shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
