Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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