hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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