I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
