where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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