my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Randomize
