Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
