Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
