I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
