He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
