hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
