Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
