meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
