i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
