Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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