Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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