Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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