We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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