i think my tv is drunk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
