Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
