If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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