You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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