I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your penis caused this!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
