i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
