how can u be prego again
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
