Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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