After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
