from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
barbara walters just said penis...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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