There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
