i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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