Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
