i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
