she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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